I was very lucky last night. Even though Bennett Arron has been writing a kids TV trilogy, his novel, a screenplay, a play, an opera, a sit-com, a painting (somehow), a speech, a self-help book, a gritty war/snowboarding drama, a Metallica album, the word "anti-semite", an AIDS pamphlet, a brand new series of The Tomorrow People, the news, a panel show, a sketch show, a poem, a Vagina Monologue and a big shark, he still managed to somehow squeeze in some time to go drinking with me last night. It was good fun. We went to a bar with two Happy Hours! Between 6.30 and 7.30 you can buy any cocktail (except the one you want) for only £12!!! Then between 9.30 and 10.30 you can get any bottle of Coors Light (except the one you want) for the price that it actually should be anyway. Ah, the joys of drinking in London's glittering West End. You get ripped off, it's too crowded and everywhere you look you see a bunch of foreigners dribbling and being clueless - and that's just the bar staff! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! It's funny because it's jingoistic!
Speaking of racism, Ben and I were casually staggering up Dean Street after leaving the Happy Hour bar when we saw that The Bath House were having a Comedy Night on. Except it wasn't a Comedy Night at all, it was a Women Only Comedy Night. That is just so unfair (especially on the audience). I mean, if there was a Men Only Comedy Night you'd all be putting your Helen Feildings down, switching off your Sex In The City's and putting your Chunky Monkey back in the fridge to protest against sexism. And you'd be right. OK, so most night of the week the bills in Comedy Clubs all over the UK are full of men and, God forbid, that if a woman did somehow get on the bill due to the promoter making a booking error while trying to think of this weeks excuse for not paying acts (Men! We cannot multi-task!) then obviously she'd be put on in the middle so she can be passed off as an open spot when she starts crying. But that's not the point! Having a Women Only Comedy Night is not the answer. Sure, it must be a tad frustrating to have to work harder to get on to certain bills at some clubs when you see them being headlined by male jugglers, male children's entertainers and male crippled racists rather than a female comedian but that's just the way it is, Ladies. Get used to it. My good friend Johnny Candon once said (and I hope he doesn't mind me quoting him) that he loved watching female comics because it meant that some man somewhere wasn't getting his dinner. Baking your own little comedy night is just the most sexist thing I've ever heard. What next? A Jewish night? Comedy for kids? A black circuit? Dream on, chicks.
Tonight I'm doing my first stand-up gig since I got back from Scotland. It's in a place called Dickinsworld. Really. I just found out I've got the girl's slot on the bill. Men win again!