Friday, 11 June 2010

Ill Behaviour.

I'm ill again. I think this is my fourth or fifth being ill of the year. That's pathetic. It's almost as if burning the candle at both ends when you are rocketing towards 42 might be bad for your health. I don't want to get old but as I am, and there doesn't seem like there's anything I can do about it, I'm going to have to slow down a bit. Yesterday I watched Mary, Queen of Shops and this morning I started my day with camomile and honey. If that doesn't sound like a boring old cunt who's just given up then I'm afraid it's the best I can do.

I had to cancel two gigs and a meeting yesterday because I couldn't speak. The previous night I had been bullied mercilessly into singing by some of the less talented members of London Comedy Improv. Even though my throat was sore and I despise singing I gave in and did a song. That didn't stop the cunts from making me sing another one. That, mixed with the fact that I constantly shout anyway, made my throat and all it's brown, brown phlegm decide to take my voice away. I felt cold and hot and shaky and snotty and awful so I took yesterday off to lie on the sofa with my egg-beat-up-in-a-cup and settled in to feeling sorry for myself.

Of course, I'm far too mature to watch Bagpuss to make me feel better anymore. But, apparently, not that mature yet to not watch The Evil Dead II while lying under a Spongebob Squarepants blanket. I bought The Evil Dead II on DVD about 7 years ago but never watched it. In fact, I haven't seen the film since it came out in the '80's. I regret that. It's just one of the greatest films ever made. It's funny, horrible and an incredible piss-taker. The ending of the film is just so utterly stunning that it's a crime that Evil Dead III didn't just continue on immediately instead of coming out a couple of years later. It made me very happy but didn't get rid of my snot or my fever.

I got rid of that on my own. No medical attention, no one helping me, no Lemsip. Never Lemsip. And for good reason. Although I am a very old man, I have still yet to learn that Lemsip isn't free and is always just there when you want it. I have never bought Lemsip and I don't think I can. In my head Lemsip is in the cupboard above the cups and always has been and always will be. When I was ill as a child my Mum would just give me a Lemsip and I'd feel a bit better. I say, as a child. My Mum has been known to give me a Lemsip well into my 30's. Lemsip's are free. You're ill, you've been through enough. Lemsip doesn't also expect you to PAY for that disgusting crap, does it? But I looked in the cupboard above the cups yesterday and, unbelievably, there was no Lemsip. Obviously, I phoned the council but they said it "wasn't part of their service". Once again, they pass the buck. So I went cold turkey instead of hot lemon. I am very brave.

Ok, so this blog wasn't exactly as angry as my last one but maybe I'm building to something, yeah?

The World Cup starts today.

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