MY TEAM WON!
Did I ever doubt that they wouldn't win? Of course, I did. I've seen my team lose so many times before and I'm well aware of the disappointment and depression that brings. I take it as a personal let down. Why did they do this to me? What a pathetic display. They were rubbish. There were so many chances to score and they missed them all. Is the Head Writer blind? Yes, my team is Doctor Who and I am 41 years old.
The latest series is over. Fuck it, latest SEASON. Let's stick with the analogy. They played a blinder. It started and ended gloriously with only a few minor losses on the way and it was exciting the whole way through. From beginning to end. In fact, from before the beginning. The changes to the TV show for little children were massive. New producers, new cast, new head writer. That last one was the most exciting of all the news before the series started. Steven Moffat wrote the very best episodes of Doctor Who since it came back and now he's in charge the excitement has reached a peak. A peak that the children who love the show won't give a shit about but is so important to the unhealthy middle-aged men who go on to forums and embarrass themselves by complaining that it's not as good as when Colin Baker was in it. Yes, Steven Moffat's presence is felt throughout the series but him being in charge soon played second fiddle to The Doctor himself. The brand new Doctor, Matt Smith, appeared on screen crashing the TARDIS in the first episode and after 10 minutes, if even that, he was just perfect. I mean really, really perfect. Look what I'm writing right now: He's the best Doctor ever.
I mean, he's not my favourite Doctor. Not yet. But he is the best. The series wasn't 100% perfect but Matt Smith didn't seem to know that a couple of the episodes were duff or that some plotlines didn't make sense or that some of the other actors were terrible. He just rose above everything and was constantly quirky and interesting and angry and sad and funny and clever and perfect. I wonder when I'll start hating him?
The boring Silurians, the crap Daleks and Richard Curtis' moronic, patronising attitude to mental illness couldn't ruin the series. There was just too much good stuff in there to complain too much. Karen Gillan being as mad as The Doctor, loads of references about actual time travel (that sometimes gets forgotten in Doctor Who) and the little things, the tiny, obscure, trivial, magnificently important little things that made this series just incredible. The Doctor not knowing how much is a lot of money, the TARDIS makes it's materialising noise because The Doctor keeps the brakes on and, best of all, River Song getting a Vortex Manipulator that was "fresh off the wrist of a handsome time agent". BRILLIANT! Someone cut off Captain Jack's arm! That makes me incredibly happy knowing that Captain Jack can't die but you can hack him to bits.
A brilliant series and I pity any idiot that doesn't love it and follow it religiously exactly the way I do. But I know how they must feel when I talk about Doctor Who. Left out is how they feel. I know this because I have lost everyone to football. Friends who don't like football have all suddenly become interested because of the World Cup so they either won't come to the pub with me or they will come to the pub only to watch the football. I can't watch football. It hurts me. Even going on Twitter is cold and lonely these days. Seeing people I know and respect giving commentary to a fucking football match just makes me feel like I don't know these people at all. And they are cunts.
Plus, these days, if you're a man and you are drinking outside a pub that is decked with sad and embarrassed looking St. George's crosses, could you do me a big favour? Would you mind putting on some clothes, please, you disgusting prick? Thank you.